Before I Forget!

Over the weekend my Mom “organized” a small family get together at the house. My grama from my dads side came over to visit, surprisingly she brought with her two of her sons, my uncles, my dads brothers.

I haven’t had any conversation with anyone from my dads side in many years. They never looked for us when we were growing up. They claim it was because of my dads ways, but never appeared after my Mom had left my dad. Sooooo…

It was shockingly interesting to have them over at the house. We talked, we laughed, we had a great time. They told me about how BIG the family is and that with my attitude I should take on the task of trying to organize family reunions! HA! This is great! I love family and can’t wait to meet the rest of my cousins and uncles out there!

I was also informed that I am the oldest cousin of the family! That’s sooo cool but sucks cause that means I am the oldest! I don’t like being the oldest!

Etaine’s Championship Game

12 weeks ago Etaine’s mom and I signed up our daughter for girls fast pitch softball.

13 weeks later We (especially me) stand very proud of Etaine for her hard work and effort she put in to her team..The Junkyard Dawgs

Slugging pctg: she placed 3rd

I already miss the extra practices we had on our own on Sundays with my little brother, David. I was very proud of myself  for helping her develop her swing and helping her achieve the success she had on the field…not taking anything from the coaches, they did their part.

I’m happy to say, that Etaine has made it her choice to continue practicing during the off season in an attempt for her to be ready and better next season. I think that’s great!

A lot of support from some very close friends were able to attend the BIG game. I’m happy everyone went and was able to share that wonderful experience I went through.

Well needless to say they won the championship game this last Sunday, 21 – 17…

It’s Happening Again….

So often do I curse the dreaded seeds planted by our elders

I wonder if the white kid next to me is feeling pressure like the others

While colors seem to be the subject at hand, the plan to bring down a whole fam-ily was critical

Still it’s hypocritical to preach that our government cares of us, though crack baby’s still live among us

And I know, it’s us doing the killing out here, but the system puts enough in to it, to make sure the weapons are hear

Preach what you feel, the children don’t fear as long as you paint the picture clear

Dear Lord let it be known for ages to come that the dreaded seeds planted in the minds of our young, have been washed out beat ed and done, deceive our lil’ ones nevermore

The power of three comes to us and lives among us stronger than before

Oh my Lord! come to us in any color or form, give us what we need!

Quote me as PAC

- My adversary’s bleed!

My enemies caught from behind while their coked up and weeded -

though not defeated

Forever young like Bob Dylan,

Learning, the higher you achieve, the longer the road becomes

Blessed by the damn and feared by no man

It’s happening again….

duuuuuuh

Psychological Warfare (who is the real enemy?)

There’s a war going on outside…

Nowhere to hide…

Nowhere to run…

I’ve often believe we were put in this world to do something…the purpose of life?…A Gift or a Curse?

As a young Chicano boy in the 90′s I grew up like many other kids on my block, drugs, gangs, violence and death around the corner. The Ghetto. I’m not ashamed to speak about where I’m from. The Ghetto in a weird way help me be more smart bout decision making and other parts in my life, not to mention be a man in so many ways. The band Offspring tells it like no other, “How can one street swallow so many life’s?”

Blame Society? nah..people can’t help being human, theirs a Ghetto everywhere in this world.

Blame my Mums?, for what? she’s the one that worked two jobs to keep this family alive, while dads was busy getting high and drunk all the time…Mums had to struggle with making the rent every 1st of the month. Not to mention the two already ”growing up” kids at home with no babysitter!…Regardless I don’t blame Dad…what can I say? Papa was a rolling stone…still stuck in the 70′s trip.

The government? the system? Uncle Sam?….hmmm

(as a teenager in H/S my favorite subjects were History and Science, I really enjoyed learning how the system sustained the economy and everyone that resides in it, how our founding fathers helped develop such a system, Mum always joked about me getting in to politics)

Interestingly enough I’ve cared very little about politics, not so little though not to care for who represents us in all applicable positions within the system. I vote! I don’t agree with everything but I know every vote counts!

Any hoot…

Ridiculed, looked down at, brushed to the side, bottom of the barrel and a piece of shit is how I feel that the system sometimes takes care of it’s taxpayers, as it pulls us in to it’s arm..tightening and not letting go.

“Every year it seems as if Americans give back a lil’ more freedom in exchange for the “feel”… the “illusion”… of security” – George Carlin, 2000

Amen to that brother.

Life is a gift but we make it feel like a curse by the actions we sometimes take. I’ve learned from my mistakes from yesterday, and can honestly say that I’m doing a lot more better than I was in the past. Even though my record seems to drop by occasionally and just remind me of my mistakes : )

So from the point of a project kid that grew up in the Ghetto…I can’t blame the system for handing down punishments to those who violate the rules set forth. We are who we choose to be, and part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for your actions.

We are our own worst enemy, influences do exist everywhere, but its us who decide to act on that peer pressure brought on by our friends and acquaintances which WE conclude to let them be part of our life’s. With our own mistakes and bad steps, we demoralize and add on pressure to ourselves,

“It’s not them who are the enemies…It’s us who are the enemies…It’s not them who are killing us…It’s us who are killing us” – Tupac Amaru Shakur, 1996

 I’ve determined that for me, theirs no reason to be pissed at anyone for my wrong doings in the past I am simply human, a stupid kid, but smarter and wiser now as an adult. The struggles continue and the Devil works his magic as he only knows how…bringing us down by throwing shit at you from all different angles. So fuck him and all my adversary’s. Life’s a gift and not a curse.

At least for me

Why Haven’t I Left Yet!

Talk about drama…

After spending a calm afternoon with a girl I had just met a few weeks ago…I came home…

With a smile still on my face I enter and find my lil’ brothers dad laying across the middle of the living room passed out! Yes he was drunk!…

Trying to figure out where Mum’s is at was another question I was pondering…turns out she dropped off the kids @ the babysitter and she then dropped them off @home when it started to get late (my mom works a 2nd shift)…Daddy was suppose to take care of the kids Sunday afternoon…

In a quick instance I picked up my lil’ sister who was already sleeping next to him on the floor, tucked her in to her bed and followed with the other two…If your asking how old these kids are? they range from 1 -7… and I’m 27 this May! looong story..maybe some other time : )

I couldn’t believe the irresponsible parenting on his behalf, Kids are very important in my life, and haved always felt that they need the proper guidance and examples in order for them not to be another statistic.

I myself have a lil’ princess of my own..Etaine..(gailec for Godess of Beauty) but c’mon who doesn’t think their lil’ girl isn’t the godess of beauty? heh? yeah any hoot..

Again I was wondering “why haven’t I moved out of my parents house!” I’ve lived on my own for many years till my divorce..didn’t see the need for all that space for me so I moved back home and now I remember!

But when I came back I found myself in a different home than the one I left many years ago! kids, strollers, toys and diapers! Well I adjusted…So now that I want to leave!, I find out bout things like this! I feel sometimes it’s too much for my Mom to handle on her own..so I try to help..

And I know theirs millions out there saying “why is she having kids if she can’t provide the appropriate environment for them?” your right! but if you can’t figure that out yourself….

well then..

tough shit! 

I love my Mum… and have to support her in any way possible…I’m strong bout Family.

So when do I leave…spread my wings…build my own nest…have a castle of my own?

I recently found out bout more drama in my family, my sister dating a looser, my mom being diagnosed with diabetes…

When do I leave?

Hello world!

lol..this is my 1st time blogging and honestly can say I have nooo idea what I’m doing here. All I now is that I want to be here!

So world don’t take it personal if I offend, disturb or just sicken you with the attempt to allow you to view things from up on the hill.

In reality I look forward to making you smile (fingers cross), as well as myself…things look funny from up here…heh..heh…

Oh, and if anyone has any suggestions or comments, please share cause I’m as lost as I am when people send me directions on how to get somewhere!

So much for an intro..

See I’m already screwing up…ain’t I?