Memories That Haunt Me…They Follow Me Till The Day I Die. pt.2

Memories that haunt me…they follow me till the day I die. pt.2

Potential is of the matter…my heart and mind feel the peace but strength is supposed to come from inside and it’s just not coming out for me. So I stress on a day by day basis thinking of what I should do now, because after all…I can’t do anything about the past anymore.

My mind strikes a point and visions start flowing through my head, which one do I choose to complete though? Why should I bother? Is there an end insight? I don’t know but as I sit here succumbing to temptation and defeat, I wonder..most of all I ponder what shall I do? Looking through the glass I realize the clear walls and notice as the flame gets closer, that it begins to yearn within me. As the walls start to rotate back and forth I notice something? I’m all alone, but for how long? Static effects daze me to a sense that I’m very familiar with..a numbness feeling almost. As the turn of a pipe makes the necessary turns to liquefy the blue identity which is to become of me. I realize sitting here for more than an hour that I’ve succumb to my nightmare which in a bit has become my enlightenment.

Addiction…

Addiction is my friend but my enemy when it comes to my true calling. Why do I let it get the best of me?

Confessions of an addict…

I think now to the days of the aftermath left behind when I was on a rampage…those I hurt and those I betrayed. However I remember the lesson I learned one day after walking for 22+ miles at night..just to come to sleep on a bench at a park.

Never bite the hand that feeds you.

Sleeping on that bench on a cold night was not the best but the worst part was when someone ran right by me and took my shoes right off my feet! I couldn’t believe it! By the time I got up from the bench the guy was rounding the corner…too late…I walked home that same morning bare foot and all to apologize to my Mums.

That morning seems almost like a blurred image…I had been sober for a week now. We talked for about an hour, confessing to her about my addiction and apologizing for my mishaps..she accepted and I was welcomed back in to the family.

The next month and a half was a trial by jury, meaning I needed to confront my demons and those I had burned. Over the next two months I was in the clear. The next step in My Life was to get a job…coming back from the streets I came back with nothing. So I knew I would have to start from the ground up. That winter I worked at the nearby car wash for a period of two months. Earning an honest living was not new to me, but it was for me during this time. So it felt weird but good. I saved around $500 in a period of two months.

I was ready to move to the next level, to a level where Americans live in on a constant basis trying to impress the Boss, and when you finally get that break you deserve..he takes credit and leaves you the crumbs. Sooner than later, dumb ass co-workers with no life, inspired to mess up everyone’s life because they are un happy with theirs…decide its time to mess up yours..or in their own words “put a little excitement in your life” yes…I am talking about no other than our very own fellow…

Corporate America

Unfortunate for me was that I did not have a car, so I did what any regular guy would do in the hood…

I reached out to a drug dealer.

That drug dealer turned out to be an ol friend I grew up with, we hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. That was until I bumped in to him at the grocery store. Now my bud had heard stories about what had happened to me, so as I described to him what had happened..as I did in the first part of this memoir. He was shocked to come find out that it was true…needless to say he was also happy to see me doing good and was more than willing to lend a hand as other drug dealers are so eager to do as well.

That’s when I bought my first car…Wolfie..a beatdown but driveable car…it was my first step in the direction I needed to go to. This can go on for many pages but I’ll save the drama for another rainy day..

So I made my move and played my cards right…so now it seems as if everything is finally taking its place..

In My Life