Do I? Whenever I Remember

Do I ?

Whenever I remember the days growing up in life, I like to take two steps back and look back at all that has happen in My Life. Sometimes laughing at the past experiences seem to be the only sane thing to do! Many episodes like the times growing up in the early 90′s crack me up now.

In Jr. High…I was known for starting up a small crowd who were basically the opposite of the prep kids. We were a bad group of kids. On any given day we would start an altercation with the other prep kids…it drove the principle crazy! One day one of our own turned on me. I can’t even remember why! Well it finally came down to a nice sunny day, when we both decided to finally set things straight.

We met down by a river damn…by this time the whole school had found out about the fight. Sooooo there were many spectators. I’ll make this very short.

I got my ass kicked…hard….well not so hard but I did get my ass kicked!

You would think I learned my lesson…but nope. I didn’t. Since I wasn’t really bruised, black eye or anything. I decided to call a re-match. ummmm yeah, I got my ass kicked a second time! Again though, nothing on the face no bruises of any sort. Maybe that’s why it didn’t really faze me? We were friends within a week again.

On another occasion, I remember having a huge crush on a girl. Well when it finally came. I asked her out and said yes! Well being my first time ever asking a girl out at school, I never talked to her ever again! I completely ignored her! She as well as I was very confused. She knew how much I was attracted to her. I was very shy. C’mon I was a sixth grader! Weird enough was the fact that I was the one always setting up my friends up with the girls, seriously! The girls knew to get to them they would have to talk to me first!..lol incredible how we mature from this stage of our lives!

As an adult, the times of me looking for a girl to hang out with, led to many funny stories. But one that I remember, or think I remember, yes…I was drunk! All I ever remember was 16, when my friends and I were invited to a sweet 16 party. I was attracted to the girl who was being celebrated. Well long story short, we ended up sneaking to my friends van and in the middle of some explicit situations (ill let your imagination fill this part in) the sister finds us! I guess everyone was looking for the girl of the hour, and she was busy doing her thang! Well her sister flipped out and ran back to the house, as we staggered to get dressed, here she comes running at me with a butcher’s knife! Swinging at me! And yelling at me!…It was time to go. I walked a block before my friends picked me up. I never heard from her ever again…we all had a good laugh afterwards though. Ayayayayay….

Sitting back looking at things from up on the hill reminds me that we sometimes make mistakes or have to lean things the hard way. For the most important lesson though is to actually learn from your mistakes and not let them repeat themselves over and over again.

“One time, shame on you. Two times, shame on me” – unknown

I’m glad I’m still alive to write about some of these times in My Life.

Psychological Warfare (who is the real enemy?)

There’s a war going on outside…

Nowhere to hide…

Nowhere to run…

I’ve often believe we were put in this world to do something…the purpose of life?…A Gift or a Curse?

As a young Chicano boy in the 90′s I grew up like many other kids on my block, drugs, gangs, violence and death around the corner. The Ghetto. I’m not ashamed to speak about where I’m from. The Ghetto in a weird way help me be more smart bout decision making and other parts in my life, not to mention be a man in so many ways. The band Offspring tells it like no other, “How can one street swallow so many life’s?”

Blame Society? nah..people can’t help being human, theirs a Ghetto everywhere in this world.

Blame my Mums?, for what? she’s the one that worked two jobs to keep this family alive, while dads was busy getting high and drunk all the time…Mums had to struggle with making the rent every 1st of the month. Not to mention the two already ”growing up” kids at home with no babysitter!…Regardless I don’t blame Dad…what can I say? Papa was a rolling stone…still stuck in the 70′s trip.

The government? the system? Uncle Sam?….hmmm

(as a teenager in H/S my favorite subjects were History and Science, I really enjoyed learning how the system sustained the economy and everyone that resides in it, how our founding fathers helped develop such a system, Mum always joked about me getting in to politics)

Interestingly enough I’ve cared very little about politics, not so little though not to care for who represents us in all applicable positions within the system. I vote! I don’t agree with everything but I know every vote counts!

Any hoot…

Ridiculed, looked down at, brushed to the side, bottom of the barrel and a piece of shit is how I feel that the system sometimes takes care of it’s taxpayers, as it pulls us in to it’s arm..tightening and not letting go.

“Every year it seems as if Americans give back a lil’ more freedom in exchange for the “feel”… the “illusion”… of security” – George Carlin, 2000

Amen to that brother.

Life is a gift but we make it feel like a curse by the actions we sometimes take. I’ve learned from my mistakes from yesterday, and can honestly say that I’m doing a lot more better than I was in the past. Even though my record seems to drop by occasionally and just remind me of my mistakes : )

So from the point of a project kid that grew up in the Ghetto…I can’t blame the system for handing down punishments to those who violate the rules set forth. We are who we choose to be, and part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for your actions.

We are our own worst enemy, influences do exist everywhere, but its us who decide to act on that peer pressure brought on by our friends and acquaintances which WE conclude to let them be part of our life’s. With our own mistakes and bad steps, we demoralize and add on pressure to ourselves,

“It’s not them who are the enemies…It’s us who are the enemies…It’s not them who are killing us…It’s us who are killing us” – Tupac Amaru Shakur, 1996

 I’ve determined that for me, theirs no reason to be pissed at anyone for my wrong doings in the past I am simply human, a stupid kid, but smarter and wiser now as an adult. The struggles continue and the Devil works his magic as he only knows how…bringing us down by throwing shit at you from all different angles. So fuck him and all my adversary’s. Life’s a gift and not a curse.

At least for me