Good Morning Life!

Good morning life!

It’s these beautiful Saturday mornings that I cherish oh so much! Getting up at 630 in the morning to my little princess. Waking her up slowly, by singing her favorite Beatles song, Michelle. Of course I switch the names around from Michelle to Etaine. She loves that.

After we finally get up, its time to get dressed for our Saturday morning softball game at Mile Square park. This is her second year and is part of the Black Widows team. I cherish these years so much. After all she isn’t always going to be this age. She always has me make her favorite breakfast….egg sandwich and don’t even try to make it for her because in her own words: “Daddy makes the best egg sandwiches!”.

So now that we are ready, off to the park we go. It’s a windy Saturday morning, which makes it interesting for the fans but great for the players. Their warming up. They haven’t had too much success this year as the year before, going un defeated. One thing for sure though is that they are having fun. Thirty minutes till batter up. The coaches are giving their last-minute instructions and the girls seem to be pitting on their game faces on. Etaine is good with her glove but is struggling with the bat. That is why she and I have been putting extra time with her batting. She is still though a power slugger.

They lose the game 4 – 8, but are still smiling. They give the game ball away to one of her team mates who stood out the most during the game. Till now she hasn’t receive one..yet. Her day will come though, I can’t hardly wait!…

Well off to the house and BBQ after a great time Saturday morning at the park, the princess in MY Life.

I love Saturday

Oh yeah I almost forgot…check it out! \\m// \\m//

The new addition to the family

Do I? Whenever I Remember

Do I ?

Whenever I remember the days growing up in life, I like to take two steps back and look back at all that has happen in My Life. Sometimes laughing at the past experiences seem to be the only sane thing to do! Many episodes like the times growing up in the early 90′s crack me up now.

In Jr. High…I was known for starting up a small crowd who were basically the opposite of the prep kids. We were a bad group of kids. On any given day we would start an altercation with the other prep kids…it drove the principle crazy! One day one of our own turned on me. I can’t even remember why! Well it finally came down to a nice sunny day, when we both decided to finally set things straight.

We met down by a river damn…by this time the whole school had found out about the fight. Sooooo there were many spectators. I’ll make this very short.

I got my ass kicked…hard….well not so hard but I did get my ass kicked!

You would think I learned my lesson…but nope. I didn’t. Since I wasn’t really bruised, black eye or anything. I decided to call a re-match. ummmm yeah, I got my ass kicked a second time! Again though, nothing on the face no bruises of any sort. Maybe that’s why it didn’t really faze me? We were friends within a week again.

On another occasion, I remember having a huge crush on a girl. Well when it finally came. I asked her out and said yes! Well being my first time ever asking a girl out at school, I never talked to her ever again! I completely ignored her! She as well as I was very confused. She knew how much I was attracted to her. I was very shy. C’mon I was a sixth grader! Weird enough was the fact that I was the one always setting up my friends up with the girls, seriously! The girls knew to get to them they would have to talk to me first!..lol incredible how we mature from this stage of our lives!

As an adult, the times of me looking for a girl to hang out with, led to many funny stories. But one that I remember, or think I remember, yes…I was drunk! All I ever remember was 16, when my friends and I were invited to a sweet 16 party. I was attracted to the girl who was being celebrated. Well long story short, we ended up sneaking to my friends van and in the middle of some explicit situations (ill let your imagination fill this part in) the sister finds us! I guess everyone was looking for the girl of the hour, and she was busy doing her thang! Well her sister flipped out and ran back to the house, as we staggered to get dressed, here she comes running at me with a butcher’s knife! Swinging at me! And yelling at me!…It was time to go. I walked a block before my friends picked me up. I never heard from her ever again…we all had a good laugh afterwards though. Ayayayayay….

Sitting back looking at things from up on the hill reminds me that we sometimes make mistakes or have to lean things the hard way. For the most important lesson though is to actually learn from your mistakes and not let them repeat themselves over and over again.

“One time, shame on you. Two times, shame on me” – unknown

I’m glad I’m still alive to write about some of these times in My Life.

Back for More….

Back for more…

I can’t stay away, can’t get away from you. When I think to myself I’ve moved on farther than before…I’m back for more. One day I woke up thinking to myself how lucky I am to have met you. Very fortunate to call you a friend of mine. Your so beautiful and the sound of your name always makes me smile so much! Happiness! I love the way you like to live! So much has happen between us that it is very sweet and delighting to know that we still are close. Driven by cause we live apart from each other…for now. Yes I’m sincere when I sit here writing and thinking about my next move. I plan carefully rather than freely for wisdom and especially experience have taught me many valuable lessons. I know now to value those around me even more closer than before. Not that I never did before, I just simply see things in a different light.

“Don’t stop, get it..get it now” – Daz

Forgiveness is a matter of just saying your sorry, but why choose to say sorry? and rather not ” I wish”? at least then you have a purpose…a goal to try to reach?

It’s all rather a blur whenever I’ve spent time with you cause every second that goes by, it seems like I’ve been years away from you. Rather than pout and tus about not being able to see you as often as I wish too, I spend time at nights thinking of the short and small times we have spent together. All I ever wanted was to be with you on a daily basis. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe, if I’m not really the guy that makes you go googoogagga about…lol…but if I am…than you know what I’m talking about.

I can’t stay away, can’t get away from you. When I think to myself I’ve moved on farther than before…I’m back for more….

This site…is dedicated to MY LIFE.

How Can I Do The Things I Want To Do?

How can I do the things I want to do…if 90% of me is you?

I’m trying at this stage of life to grab complete control of my life. You say “huh?” Very simple, when you have a child from a previous relationship and still living at home with your parents…you kinda just go with the flow. That has been my problem as of lately, I can’t complain its easy…but I know in order for me to become a true man and set the example for my daughter I need to take things to the next level.

Enter the wisdom and patience stage of my life…

Growing up in life without a dad and being the young man of the house, much was expected from me.

” I was given this world, I didn’t make it ” – 2pac

Many lessons I never learned to what it is to be a man. Some lessons though I learned from other friends while most I learned and picked up from my elders and by reading books. Fathered by GOD was one of the most recent books I’ve read. In it, it specifies how many adult men are simply Kids walking around in Men’s bodies. I found myself thinking all this time I was already a man, truth of the mater is I’m nearly 1/4th of a real man. So by reading some literature and hanging out and speaking to my elders, I’ve realized I have much work ahead of myself.

Let’s get down to business!

Oh yeah..check out my new tatt..in the works..but hey!?..lol

Mother

Once again life’s challenges confront me in a way where I must make a decision quickly and act on it.

See today was our last family meeting between the “Three” (Mum, Sis & Me), there were many concerns brought up during this family meeting.

 

1. My lil’ Sisters departure from the house, moving to the San Diego area to be closer with her boyfriend.

 This is a big one, see our house is divided in to a three way deal, which include the “Three” of us. Our original agreement was that if anyone was to leave, a sequence of meetings would have to take place to fully outline their “payout” and implications on the family as well.

Now that my Sis has shifted us in that direction (short notice), we had to move quickly. The ideal thing we came up with to do was to rent out the room. Luckily we have someone in mind ..@$650 a month, including bills, chores not included.

 

2. The current status of one our tenants.

Before I knew, my mum had rented one of the rooms in our house. To my surprise, and what a surprise!, she rented it out for a mere $200!!!, chores and bills included!!! The catch here was that the person living there, would only be there on the weekends. HELLO!!!…who cares?! The room is being occupied 7 days a week! I proposed a 1 1/2 month notice of a rent increase to $350, utilities included but not the chores. Still very low, I know, but we don’t want this tenant ass out either. Plus the notice is a great compensation on our part.

 

3. Mums bills are to high (causing lots of stress for her, not helping her condition)

Of the back, my sister and I agreed that paying a baby sitter for a merely 4hrs was a bad move. After quickly analyzing her scheduled time for work and mine, we noticed theirs a mere 20 minute delay from one of us being home with the kids! Suggestion was made for her to submit to her boss about her starting time to be 1/2hr later. Presto! Ill be home by then and can sit the kids for the two or three hours till their dad gets home. She saves $200 a week!

 

Sooo…here we go..lets do some math..

 Mortgage = 2250

Rent#1     -  650

Rent#2     -  350

My Rent    -  700

Kids Dad   -  500

 

My mums part = $50!!!!!!!!!

 

No more baby sitter, all her checks are basically savings for her! = LESS STRESS!!!

 

Plus she has help with chores from both tenants! She’s been asking about this for a long time. I also was elected to notify both tenants about the meeting. In other words, delivering the bad news…lol

 

3. Mums health

…

…

…

This is hard, money can’t resolve this. There isn’t  a pill one can take and be cure within a week or so. This is one of life’s hardest challenges. A real test of faith I think. To see a family member heading in a course of destruction is very hard to witness, especially when its mom were talking about here.

A very long conversation about my mums health followed. My mum told us that her doctor has diagnosed her with anemia. Treatable I believe but still dangerous. She also told us about an ulcer type of pain in her stomach, which makes it hard for her to work lately, she’s also on the verge of being a diabetic person too. Her eating habits have not changed and I suspect negligence on her part.

Now, I’ve made strides to stop my alcohol consumption, and for her not trying on her part hurts very much.

Mum, has been very influential in my life ever since dad disappeared many years ago. I can not imagine life without her in it. We cried for a while talking about this with her. Telling her how we would rather see her gone from natural causes and not being defeated from something so reversible like “eating habits” and a bad “lifestyle”.  We have to trust her that she will continue to make her regular doctor visits and help her with a better diet. Its amazing what we can accomplish with just a little communication.

 

Dear Lord,

 I know I haven’t been the best child of many, and I don’t want to make it seem like I come to you in only times of need. I am a believer of your will and know you know what’s best for everyone. I only pray that you take care of my loved one’s. Each and everyone of them. Those who I hardly remember and don’t. Help those who are lost souls who plot on making others miserable so that they may indulge in your purity and greatness. Give the strength to all of us who have set goals that we need to accomplish to be one step closer to you. To be in line with your teachings. Open our minds and eyes to view things in better perspective, so that we stay away from the devil and his dirty deeds. Bless us, your children to move forward despite life’s obstacles. Help us be strong and efficient soldiers for your kingdom to serve. In Jesus name

 Amen

 

Good Night Life…

Diminish My Own

Be-little me?!

 

So you think that just because of my race and status, you can say that I’m a piece of shit!

 

Against all odds?

 

I still rise to the occasion! Regardless of my situation. My God will not let me fall to the depths of hell…

 

God forgive me for my bad habits.

 

A few years ago I found myself wondering who or what diminishes my own? Many point the finger on the most obvious, myself! For putting myself in the current situation I’m in. Yet I’m remembered that it takes two to tango, but why is it that the male gets the shitty end of the stick? I know women have it bad as well after a divorce too! Especially when theirs kids involved. I mean come on! Their are still many great men out there, that like myself had the unfortunate luck or decision making that just went wrong! But we all make mistakes, were not perfect.

 

Many people share the same thought processing I possessed, while others pre-judge me or us based on our past.

 

Our past is just like I said..Our past! No one should ever be judge by it. Be cautious about people putting a front? Yes, but don’t be so hard on a man for honestly trying to do some or all good. After all some of us can change.

 

I’ve learned now though, that you can’t wait on people to trust you. Or believe in you. It is us, the ones out to prove them wrong, that just has to go out there and just do it! Brothers and sisters will always be there for you, as well as many good friends, but you can’t simply rely on them to make a difference in your life.

 

Take the chains of me and those who you’ve doubted for oh so long. Let our actions speak louder than our words. Blessed by the lord himself, nothing shall be un-attainable.

 

I’m still figuring out my options at the age of 27. I know time is ticking and I will soon make a move. Which I know will drastically change the course of my family’s life. But I also know with the power of Jesus and the Lord himself, I shall not fail…

 

And Life, I’m sure is still not done throwing curve balls at me. But whatever comes my way, I will endure the tests of His prophecy and shall not question His fate for me. Since it already has been written and shall be done. I will carry about my daily Life. Until the day I am with Him.

 

Don’t be a hater be a congratulater.

One Of The Happiest Days Of My Life!

Mark it on your calendar, June 21^st  one of the happiest days of my life! I waited nearly 28 years for this day to finally come, and it has arrived.

On this day, I met my family…

My Mum’s side of the family has always lived for the major part in Mexico, while an aunt in Illinois is all I really know about (hardly). I last saw my mum’s side nearly 12 or 13 years ago. Plans of eventually visiting them in the near future are in the works. They don’t have any of visiting me.

Now, don’t get me wrong I love them all, but the fact that it’s been real hard for my family in Mexico and I to coordinate such a re-union, it almost seemed destined for failure. Given the reason as to why my sister and I never were raised around family. We didn’t have any around! Even though this great distance have not kept us away from one another, I still send them money when I can, an occasional call from time to time suffices, for now…

Now, as far as my Dad’s side is concerned, we never co-live with any of them except for one Uncle. My Uncle Nestor met both me and my sister since we were born, always in the mix. He is in many ways the opposite of the father that walked out on us many years ago. He is all you ever ask for in an Uncle and more. He is the oldest brother of a family of 8. He is also the only one of the 8 who doesn’t talk to anyone of the family (his brothers) even his own Mum.

When my sister and I were just some kids, we never thought much of family. The few that surrounded us we thought was our entire family. But as we grew, so did the questions.

We never asked our Uncle’s opinion on our Dad’s side, simply because we thought it be not to reliable. (Go figure huh?). My Mum told us many times that my Dad drove away all of the family when we were young, and is ultimately the reason for their early departure from us.

Now this is my reason for me not searching for them these last years as an adult.

My Father had left when I was nearly 12 or 13; I’m going on 28 now! Where were they these last…oh some 15 years!

Theirs very much emotion when I talk about family, because I would not abandon no one from my family ever! I’m huge on family! Family is everything to me!

But…

In life, you need to forgive and move on. If you can not understand that or learn from it, you will never be able to enjoy happiness day in day out.

And so…

I forgave, and now have a complete family. Truly, one of the happiest days in My Life.

Visions

This was meant to be more of a happy blog experience for me, but lately I’ve noticed that my posts are more about the sad times in my life. I document this on line for the reason that if it helps someone else, it was worth it. I also want my daughter (when appropriate) to read and understand some aspects of life in general, and hopefully be able to let her understand more of how a man as myself overcame down falls as well as happiness too. ”The Man On The Hill” Soooo…

Life perfected by a quest to pursue and achieve goals -

Redirected by strange downfalls that appear to bring down your entire world. Pushing them to the side with the strength of others, but the man above, my guidance and overall true friend contends to those who stand in my way. It’s been hard and crucial moments and decisions keep coming up in my life. Destined for failure? I will not admit defeat without a fight, and even through all my pain and suffering that I’ve gone through…

I still believe that God has better days ahead for me and my loved ones. In many ways it almost seems, like they teach you in church, to put your trust with Him, and he will open doors for you. You must be the one willing to go through them though. You set aside all my struggles in life, and I can honestly say that I am very blessed.

My health, my families health and life! What more can I ask for?

That’s why I’ve always said to myself “when I die, do not cry, thrive! for I am with Him!” My last wish would be not a funeral, but a party to celebrate, me finally alongside my one true friend (seriously this is my last wish).

Anyhoot!

Ever felt someone was behind you, but as soon as you turn their gone? yeah, not those visions….

Similar to Dejavu, only frighting…

I’m not a gullable person…I have a hard time believing things. Usually I require Proof in order to get my attention.

What happens though when visions appear in front of your eyes and in a blink of an eye their gone? What happens when you blink…and it’s still there? I ain’t eating mushrooms or getting high off fumes..lol. I do have a troubled past though. Which I now believe has something to do with it…

Here’s a few examples of some of my visions I’ve had:

The Car,

While driving, I’ve had instant visions of me flipping my car over several times on the freeway. I can honestly feel the pain of my life exiting out of my body, and thinking of my love ones as I take my final breath of air. It happens in a matter of 3 seconds and then I’m back to myself.

The Man standing in front of my window,

This is a more recent one, getting ready to go to sleep, my blinds are close but yet  I see a man standing outside..peeking through at times. That’s why I sleep with my blinds open..this man though resembles in many ways to my Father. Which I think because of his early departure from my life, has resulted in a inadvertent search for him.

Happy Home,

Picture a man walking in to your home, grabbing a hold of your love ones and doing what only you can imagine happens in the movies, I feel scared about someone hurting my family or friends.

I guess when you really think about it, thoughts like these race through everyone’sminds ever so often and is only created in your mind from the state of  how you feel at the time. I don’t see many visions anymore though, I feel I’m OK with everyone right now and probably is the reason for that.

Still I wonder…

What happens when you see your grandfather you’ve never met before, floating! some 19′ ft away from you! upstairs on the 12th floor by yourself! yeah,

freak-ish!

My Mum once told me about that vision!

ayayay